There Goes My Chances of Being an ESPN Correspondent

Have you ever read a sports story? I tried last week for the first time. I just stared at a bunch of characters, wondering why there were so many numbers. That’s when I realized Rule #34 of the Internet doesn’t just apply to porn. It applies to XKCD comics as well.

Mike says sports writing is really just practical statistics in disguise. I believe him. Except in some situations, it’s a really bad disguise… Kind of like Inspector Clouseau, but worse. In a moment of panic, I rushed to the nearest sports reporter. Dennis Patchin thinks a sports story should not have more than one set of numbers in it. I believe him too. I suppose that’s the only way a non-sports geek could ever understand what’s going on.

I was trying to decipher the recent Coug game that I failed to watch so I could explain why their failure resulted in the no-GameDay appearance for their following game against Stanford. Here’s a challenge: Explain in one sentence why the Cougs lost. After I pulled out half my hair, I wrote: “The Cougs lost 25-28 due to a late game touchdown and two point conversion by the Bruins.” Success. 

Not gonna lie. I don’t even know what a two point conversion is.

Read: “And that’s another Cougar — GameDay disappointment”


About blushresponse

online web producer, photographer, radio host and producer, social media enthusiast, occasional blogger and newbie bicyclist who had their bike stolen. #FAIL

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