Introducing: Nicole’s Nemesis
After months of open-application, my search for a nemesis has ended. Only one submission was received. I’m not going to say I’m disappointed. Instead, I think potential nemesis knew that my true nemesis was applying and they didn’t want to nemesis block.
A quick look over the application appears promising. They can stack turtles which is a very frightening skill. They’re a web services manager by day, which means their powers can potentially ruin my internet kingdom. They also list themselves as an amateur nemesis. I can only assume it’s a ruse to throw me off.
I almost disqualified him due to John Williams being their prefered film composer. Nemesis’ need to have one common bond that brings them together in moments of humanity, but he claims I’m from a mirrored universe. Lies!
Congratulations, Nate E. Mesis. You’re officially my new nemesis. Where do we begin?
How about starting with an IP address? 18.104.22.168: Coeur d’Alene: XO Communications: Business
Well, well… It appears they work in Coeur d’Alene.
Read his application:
I Want To Be Nicole’s Nemesis!
“As I followed your career (well ever since I found this blog post anyway), I felt as though we were kindred spirits. The worlds of photography and web design are passions of mine and I drew lines of similarity in you. If that were not kismet, then the invocation of Doctor Who and the inquiry as to your visitor’s zombie contingency plans are… then what is? I have a closet where I store all of my gaming collection, there is so much inside of it that it defies the laws of spacial constraint, what with being bigger on the inside and all… my personal TARDIS according to my kids. I also pull my copy of Shaun of the Dead out of my massive DVD collection on a semi-weekly basis… just to keep my zombie evasion and battling skills at their peak (tho I will never throw my Beatles White Album at them). The gospel as per Firefly, is that there is a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. A prophecy I am very much behind. So you can see that we would have been great friends in this world, that is, until I noticed you avatar on Twitter… the mirrored Canon camera was your mistake… the moment I saw it I realized you were from a dark place, such as the Mirror Darkly alternate universe in Star Trek or Bizzaro, the twisted doppelganger of Superman. From that moment on, I decided to put all of the 6 minutes I have known you aside, and make it my mission in life to make sure that you pay for your deception! And that… oh wait… the wife just pulled cookies out of the oven… I’ll be back in a bit to finish my rant…. mmmmmm cookies!”
Web Services Manager and amateur Nemesis
Have you ever been a nemesis before?
Once, for a really sarcastic lady with similar interests.
If yes, how did it end?
Epic fail… I wound up marrying her once I realized she was hawt, I mean, come on… who marries their nemisis… besides me that is.
Describe your skills.
I can deftly stack turtles without looking. I can Photoshop images so it looks like I’m not really overweight. I can utilize skills I have learned watching various scifi shows to build a myriad of devices that would bring your world crashing down around you… if I could just figure out how to turn them on. I order items from the same Acme catalog as Wile E Coyote… (I mean, what is more terrifying than a nemesis on roller-skates with a rocket strapped to his back?)
Include link to an appropriate nemesis portrait.
http://topwomen.org/Celebrities/images/Angelina-Jolie.jpg oh wait… wrong one… http://www.officialpsds.com/images/thumbs/Shaun—Shaun-of-the-dead-psd23749.png
Preferred Film Composer