I present to you, the three things in life I fear the most. These are totally rational fears. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
It’s 10:00 at night and I’m walking through the shadows to the Rocket Market. I’m on a mission: milk. It is completely normal to purchase milk that late especially for banana pudding to go along with the 5th season of Doctor Who. I’m on the walk back to my place of residence, there are suddenly zombies EVERYWHERE! Not really though. The thought occurs to me, if zombies WERE everywhere, could I survive? Do I have a plan? I experience waves of panic and run home to draft my escape route.
Randall Munroe was right. It’s been well over a decade and it’s still a possible threat. Is your home velociraptor proof? Mine isn’t. That’s why I live in constant fear. My family’s cat, Taz, shares the same eyes as Steven Spielberg’s interpretation of the velociraptor, hence I don’t trust him. I can’t outrun them. I can’t lock myself in the bathroom. If a velociraptor comes smashing through my windows, could I survive? Do I have a plan? I don’t know if the Telegraph’s science section could prepare me for such a horrifying event.
During the night, they flutter around the room. You can hear their wings bat against the window glass. I can’t recall how many times in college I’d run around the room in a frightened rampage with the latest issue of the Daily Evergreen rolled up as a lethal weapon. They’re flying invaders and they must be stopped. What if that moth were to flutter its way on my face? Could I survive? Do I have a plan? It could fly into my screaming mouth and local news could call it a Silence of the Lambs copy cat crime. Justice must be served.